So I spent much of this week in a "funk". Just not motivated to do much even thought there is much to do. Feeling kind of down, but unable to pinpoint why, then feeling guilty for feeling down for no good reason. I didn't even have PMS to blame! Well, I finally prayed about it - why is it that it takes me so long to bring my emotions to the Lord? - and asked God to bring me out of this rut. Here is what I realized. I've been on the path of demandingness. This may sound a bit crazy, but stick with me. And I didn't make this up. This is from the Bible study I've been going through with my discipler. It's called "Called To Obedience" or CTO and I highly recommend it.
Something starts with a desire, maybe a legitimate desire, like wishing my husband would skip his business meeting and come have lunch with me & the kids instead. At some point this wishing turns into the feeling that I deserve for my husband to stop what he's doing in the middle of the day and meet my need for adult attention & conversation. Before I know it, it becomes my right (in my head) to have this need met. "I work really hard at home with the kids and at my job. I have the right to a break and he should be the one to provide it!" When it doesn't happen, and many times it doesn't, then I'm disappointed. When I'm disappointed I become critical & judgmental. "My husband is selfish. He only cares about himself and that job." Disappointment becomes discouragement, where I become focused on myself even more, "No one appreciates me. My husband doesn't really love me." Pretty soon this can spiral into depression, where I've lost hope of having what I think I deserve.
So this isn't exactly what I went through this week, but it gives you an idea of how it works for me, or rather, against me! So I was so self-absorbed that I forgot to write my blog post about what I've been learning. Isn't that ironic? Guess I needed to learn a little more before I could write about it!
Maybe this example sounds familiar to you, maybe it doesn't. You could really apply it to about anything. Just start with a "desire" of your own and go through the cycle I just described. The result is pretty ridiculous, but it happens all the time, at least it does with me! And now that I know what is happening, I'm hoping to "catch" myself at the Deserve/Rights part of the cycle more often and not proceed onto disappointment, discouragement and depression as much as I used to.
So what should I do when I realize this is happening? A dear friend and wise lady who is discipling me right now has taught me all about this.
- First of all, I need to renew my mind with the Truth:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Phil 4:8
"Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Col 3:2,3
A good ol' "grateful list" works well, too - making a list of God's attributes and/or all the blessings He's given me.
- Then I need to give up these rights I think I deserve:
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily & follow me." Luke 9:23
- I need to forgive those who have disappointed me:
"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Heb 12:15
- And I need to trust God's sovereign plan & provision in my life:
"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jer 29:11
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us. Eph 3:20
So next time you notice me a little "down" you could ask what I've been demanding lately! :)
Just for fun, here's a photo of my dad, Tim, and the kids on Father's Day at Salamonie where my parents, Will, & Theo went camping last weekend.
Being in a frump must be a women thing-especially during the season you're raising children. You can always call me and we can frump together. lol Anyway, I can totally identify, so thanks for the word of encouragement from the Word.
ReplyDeleteMan, my son is good looking--must get those looks from me. Ha! Sure looks like he enjoys being a daddy.
Have a good week! Don't know if we'll make it to any of Will's games this week. Does he have one on Wednesday morning? I have a meeting in Ft. Wayne at noon, so I could come down, then go shopping or I could have a cup of coffee and donut with my favorite daughter-in-law and her kids.
Love ya,
Lynn